Over time, I’ve learned that the quality of a conversation is often decided before it begins.
Important conversations — interviews, feedback discussions, product reviews, alignment calls — don’t benefit from over-rehearsal. But they do benefit from intentional preparation.
My approach has become simpler and more deliberate with experience.
I Start by Getting Clear on the Purpose
Before any important conversation, I try to answer one question for myself:
What needs to be different after this conversation ends?
Sometimes it’s clarity.
Sometimes it’s a decision.
Sometimes it’s alignment or understanding.
Being clear on the purpose helps me avoid drifting into unnecessary detail or side discussions. It also keeps the conversation grounded when things get complex.
I Write Down What I Want to Understand
Instead of preparing what I want to say, I focus on what I want to learn.
I usually jot down:
- Questions I need answered
- Areas where context might be missing
- Assumptions I want to validate
This shifts my mindset from performing to listening. It also keeps me curious, which tends to lead to better outcomes.
I Think Through Constraints and Context
Every conversation sits inside a broader context — timelines, trade-offs, emotions, and expectations.
Before the call, I spend a few minutes thinking about:
- What constraints are already in play
- What pressures the other person might be under
- What information they may or may not have
This doesn’t mean lowering standards. It means entering the conversation informed rather than reactive.
I Avoid Over-Scripting
Earlier in my career, I used to rehearse conversations heavily.
That often backfired. Real conversations rarely follow scripts, and sticking too closely to one made it harder to adapt in the moment.
Now, I aim for direction, not dialogue. A few key points. A clear intent. Enough structure to stay focused, but enough flexibility to respond honestly.
I Create Space to Listen
Preparation isn’t just cognitive — it’s also mental.
If possible, I try to enter important conversations without rushing from one meeting to another. Even a short pause beforehand helps me slow down and be present.
Listening well requires attention, not just silence.
What Preparation Helps Me Avoid
This approach helps me avoid:
- Talking more than necessary
- Jumping to conclusions too early
- Reacting defensively
- Missing what’s actually being said
It also makes conversations feel more collaborative, even when the topics are difficult.
When Things Still Don’t Go as Planned
Not every conversation goes smoothly.
Sometimes emotions run high. Sometimes clarity doesn’t come immediately. Preparation doesn’t guarantee perfect outcomes — but it does increase the chances of constructive progress.
I’ve found that being prepared makes it easier to recover when conversations get messy.
A small closing thought
Good preparation isn’t about control.
It’s about respect — for the conversation, and for the people involved.
That’s what I try to bring into the room.